Resilience✅
Skills | Failure | Well-being
Last week, we talked about your big five, this week we will talk about resilience.
But first, woooow… your feedback! I received a ton of messages following last week’s letter. Some of you ran to grab a piece of paper and a pen, others started to question whether the big five are objectives or values (either way, it’s about what is important to you), others just said thanks.
I also caught up with a friend who shared the impact the Ikigai had on him. Yeah, a point on Ikigai, the word “mission” might sound grand but think about it as your mission at that moment! Handy tip!
Both stories tell me you value those golden nuggets. You also told me that the practical aspect of the last couple of letters resonated. I will try to be as practical as I can and through sharing my experience or the teaching of my double master’s degree in coaching and leadership. I will keep on bringing thoughts and tools that could serve you.
Last week, I highlighted the challenge of writing a good 365-page book for 2022. This will demand tenacity and resilience to go all the way managing elements of our day-to-day life that can be overwhelming or can throw us off course of whatever our goal or objectives we have.
Also, I have now heard several friends of mine who have gone into overdrive at work and have burnt out. And obviously in the last 18 months, with Covid-19, the strain on our mental wellbeing has not decreased in any way...
Resilience has become more important than ever.
This topic came up three times this last week alone for me: once with my coach as I started looking at the year ahead, a second time as my girlfriend’s company invited a guest speaker to talk about “mental toughness”, and third as in my leadership training, we talked about personal resilience, a model that I will share with you today.
Being resilient is an important aspect of how we live and engage.
The Oxford Dictionary defines resilience as:
the ability of people or things to recover quickly after something unpleasant, such as shock, injury, etc.
the ability of a substance to return to its original shape after it has been bent, stretched or pressed
…and bending events, the sort we face every day, at work and in our personal life.
So, as the dictionary seems to suggest, resilience is about learning to accept change and even failure.
But how can you do this?
In their research and model, Patterson, Geons, and Reed (2009) offer a simple schematic on the resilient loop and how to increase it. Visually, the picture below describes it.
Simply put, they describe the system as a reinforcing mechanism, starting with the mind, then the ability to cope with it, third, the action that comes on the back of it, and fourth, the improvement loop.
It is interesting to note that steps 1 to 3 are called “skills”, showing through their work and research that it can be learned.
We are all different and respond in different ways to stress but learning supportive skills is possible and anyone can increase its resilience through the development of those skills.
1st — the mind – it starts with understanding the current elements at play
Where are we? What is the situation that is happening? What is impacting me?
How pulled am I toward the goal or the direction that I envision? And if I don’t envision it how can I create a compelling image?
2nd — the capacity – the supporting elements to respond once you understand what to respond to
How do you manage your health to respond to it? Do you take breaks, drink water, walk outside? If you don’t manage your body and health, you are not going to go far.
Who is supporting you? Who is surrounding you? Friend? Peer? Coach?
How efficient are we at doing closing actions?
This is a bit of a personal compass. What are your values? Are they clear? Do you know when to say no? When it crosses the line? What is important to you? Do they line up with what you tried to do, get or be?
3rd — the action – once you know and have the capability, how do you push forward?
When the wind blows sideways, how can you stay on course?
When the wind blows in front? How can you still move forward?
How can you own yourself and take responsibility in closing actions?
How can you persevere? What can help you?
4th — the learning loop – reinforcement of all elements
Results will then start changing beliefs and improve your ability to adapt and respond to new stimuli.
As those elements flow into the other, and as you can now start compartmentalising steps and what work/doesn’t, this offers clarity on which steps to focus on.
Resilience is not a solo game and the support base can be what makes it or breaks it. In each one of those steps coaching and support help, surely did for me.
My coach and I discussed defining what 2022 will be for me, and as I was playful with the exercise, resilience, boundaries, and wellbeing emerged as three core ideas that will drive my behaviour this year.
What are yours?
Question: How can you regulate your resilience to turn work and life events to your advantage and not be overwhelmed by then?
