Your Precious – One question to rule them all!
“Why?” Three letters. Such a simple question, yet your key to success.
We can look at it in two ways: one intrusive and backward-looking, the other constructive and forward-looking.
When first thinking about the question “why”, I don’t know about you but I see a psychoanalyst in his chair with his glasses, a white pad and pen repeatedly asking that question. Those three letters are a way to dig deep. Straight in. It doesn’t have the elegance of the “what” nor the actionability of the “how”. It’s in your face. It hurts.
In coaching, this question is widely avoided as it goes too deep, and most likely into the past. If someone asks you this question you might feel attacked. You feel the need to justify your thoughts or actions. Even if there is nothing to justify. And most often, it doesn’t help as it doesn’t empower, bring actionability or solutions.
Then, there is the constructive and playful “why”.
It is funny how kids use it to perfection and wrestle adults to submission.
-“Why are we doing things that way or that way” and why …and why …and why ….
-“Keep drilling you lovely little monster!” “OK ….OK ….you won!”
I can’t wait to see my new-born nephew asking my sister all those “why” questions. It will be fun to watch😊. I’ll certainly keep you posted.
With their playfulness and innocence, for kids to ask this simple question is obvious. As adults we loss that playfulness. “Because!” has become the accepted answer. Because it had been taught to me like this, because my dad always did it, because this is how we do it here, because I can’t do it….
Actually it’s worth asking…“why am I doing what I am doing?”
We cannot obviously ask this question every day about everything we do or to everyone we talk to. It wouldn’t make sense and we might start looking like a loony and finish like Joachim Phoenix in the Joker. (Brilliant acting don’t you think? Let’s chat about it in the future.)
As the demands on our body and mind increase, more people are burning out. They pile actions on top of actions, more on top of more without understanding the meaning of what they are doing. Why would you push through something if you don’t know what is on the other side? What is the driver and the direction? Does it all line up somehow to something you are remotely excited about?
When you ask these questions, a few have clear answers, most don’t. Those who answer clearly have actions fall into place as building blocks of their journey. This means that a problem is not one anymore, but just a challenge, it’s not a dead end anymore but a road block, not a failure but a lesson learnt. Crucial semantic my friend!
It is hard to clearly know what we want to do or be, ignoring what Facebook, Apple, Google or Amazon want for us. The journey is hard and understanding the reasons you do what you do helps as challenges come up. Because challenges always come up! And being purposeful (it doesn’t have to be a big life purpose) will help you cope and overcome all the challenges you face.
Today, we are bombarded with so much that we don’t even have the time to think for ourselves anymore. We need to prioritize, select, eliminate and keep some but which ones? Based on what? Asking this simple question helps keep us on track and ignite our creativity when faced with obstacles. When you understand your reasons, you find ways and create solutions, don’t you? Always, in my experience.
“Why” should therefore be your catalyst for your resourcefulness and prioritisation. Your heavy lifting will feel lighter. The natural challenges that happen along the way of your endeavour, big or small, will become normal character-building steps.
You are creative and resourceful my friend, and your “why” will help sustain your grit!
QUESTION
What is the purpose of what you do?