Queenie and the 6 tips of the soft power đź‘‘
Serve | Deliver | Empathy
Last week, I challenged your morning rituals. This week, I will share a couple of thoughts on Queen Elizabeth II, a queen “without” power.
Indeed, I cannot ignore the death of Elizabeth II, the longest reigning monarch in the UK who was overwhelmingly loved by her own people, and with states funeral attended by invitees pouring from all around the world except three countries, Russia, Belarus, and Myanmar.
Let’s be clear here, I am not a royalist, nor a specialist on the topic, nor have the authority to speak on it and can detail her long reign. I will, however, discuss with you two aspects: what she represented and how one can influence “without” power.
I am French and we killed our king in 1793. Half of Europe did get rid of their monarchies while the other half found a political equilibrium, like in England in 1649, 150 years before the French.
I am also English by adoption as I have lived in the UK for 15 years. The loss of this Queen is quite something here, and probably for several other countries, the first ones being those of the Commonwealth.
Over the past week, there has been an abundance of positive words about the Queen, which I would embrace, as I believe that her commitment to her role, people, and positive influence has been exceptional and far from what some might think or say. However, to succeed in life you need to juggle competing ideas in your mind and appreciate both, and so I read a couple of articles questioning her, her descendants, and royals in general.
To take a few words (well-written I have to say but totally wrong in my opinion):
“What has she done really to be placed on a pedestal?” The question is probably the wrong one to ask, and the writer seems to mean “What has she done for me?”, as this misses the point of what she has done for her own people, for many across the world, and for decades….
“She was nothing much that a relic from the past” but the past made us who we are, it built us and built our values.
“She was nothing except an eccentric hat model”, also known as a powerful communication tool.
I agree that her death is an opportunity for many to divert from the morose economic environment with something else. I agree that you can question the king not paying inheritance tax… I can understand why today we question the use of a king or a queen when the Kardashians are our new role models...
I can understand the resentment of a few, but this is missing the point of the many she has helped, the compass and stability she has represented in times of difficulty. It is probably even harder to understand for people outside of British culture.
More interesting to this debate, is to look at how one can influence without authority, as indeed since 7 February 1649, the English monarch has had no official power…
“People will dutifully obey a person in authority. But they’ll passionately follow a leader of influence.” It is true for the king, and it is true for anyone in their job in a business. Below are six key principles and strategies for influencing without authority.
1. Seek to serve.
People are more willing to follow those whom they know have their interests at heart. Be interested first in what’s going to make your stakeholders win before you ask for what you need from them. Make time to meet up with them and get answers to questions like “What’s going to make you successful?”
2. Be a people person.
People are more likely to be influenced by someone they like. Some people are naturally more likable than others. This means that even if you’re a born introvert and socializing doesn’t come naturally to you, being a people person can be learned and people will naturally come to like you. Likable people smile a lot, project warmth, and use body language that conveys, “I’m open and approachable.”
3. Deliver the goods.
Why would someone go out of their way to help you or follow your lead if it isn’t obvious to them what the tangible rewards might be? Affection helps and so does trust. To earn trust, do what you say you’ll do, faster, quicker, and better than they expected.
4. Speak their language.
People are motivated by self-interest. When asking for something, always tell them how them giving you what you want will benefit them. Offer to help where you can. Instead of: “Could you complete your timesheets by tomorrow please?” Say: “So that I can help you get paid on time, please send me your timesheets by close of business tomorrow. Let me know how I can help make that as easy and painless as possible for you.”
5. Be empathetic and a good listener.
When dealing with someone who’s negative, giving them space to air their grievances can be a powerful “resistance buster”. Often, their negativity is a sign they’re not feeling very appreciated or secure. Showing empathy can often turn them around. You don’t have to agree with what they say. Give them the right to feel how they feel. Practice acknowledging feelings. For instance, “You seem incredibly frustrated about this.”
Like being a people person, being an empathetic listener is a skill you can develop. The key lies in doing your best to understand why the person feels the way they do, and to offer reassurance that that person can trust you with their feelings.
6. Communicate outcomes instead of actions.
Tell them what you want instead of what to do. People do not like being told what to do but they generally respect people who make them feel empowered.
Instead of: “Could you arrange for a desk and phone to be set up in this corner of the room?” Say: “We have a new colleague arriving this afternoon. I’d like to make that person feel welcome and be able to be productive as soon as possible. This means for instance that we’ll need some furniture and a phone for her. Can you help with this?”
In summary, people will do only so much under authority, but they’ll move mountains under respect. To earn their respect, be sincere about making them successful, be friendly and empathetic, create a safe space for them to get to know you better, empower them and help them win.
When Google pays a tribute to her Majesty with a grey ribbon since her death and a black one the day of her funerals, this shows that this person has had an impact, even if some will argue otherwise.
As the saying goes, “The queen is dead, long live the king.”
As explained in my last letter, I want to serve you and would love to support you further. I offer you coaching sessions on today’s topic, helping you move forward as you become better able to influence those around you! Get in touch today for an empowering chat > here<
Question:
How can you become more influential at work and with people around you without specific authority?