Boundaries | Compassion | Action

Last week, I explained how I invented Netflix, this week, I will talk about self-care.

Indeed, last weekend I felt the urge to go reconnect with nature for self-care as staying home with Netflix is not necessarily self-care as it is marketed!

Last week, my girlfriend suggested I read an article she had just read. Life got so hectic that I didn’t get around to reading it. A couple of days later, she suggested it again, making the magazine visible in the middle of the living room.

My relationship is relatively recent, and I want it to last, so I guess my brain went “Ok, she suggested twice, maybe I should listen.” Ahaha, not sure if it was like this ­– nonetheless, I read the article.

The article was about self-care and today, I would like to share with you some of the insights. I found it interesting as it synthesizes several aspects I really believe in and have helped people with since becoming a coach, namely acknowledging what you think, understanding what works for you, and building strong habits and boundaries.

It also feels very topical as last week I really felt the need for nature as mentioned above and I followed that instinct, feeling rejuvenated because of the experience.

But what is it first?

Today, self-care has a bit of a moment as everything is self-care! It is an excuse for every indulgence!

Watching Netflix, enjoying a happy hour after an awful day, and eating a massive brunch are self-care! A fat gourmet burger and a luxurious tropical holiday are self-care too.

But actually, self-care is about understanding your true needs beyond your impulses. It is looking at yourself on a deeper level!

The article defines 3 steps to act on…

Step 1: Define what self-care means to you

Clearly, there is not a single definition and today, marketing sells us tons of different forms of “self-care”.

“Self-care is not something you buy. It is an active practice of taking care of the internal aspect of the self within the context of external pressure” says professor Cook-Cottone. And gosh external pressure many we face!

In short, taking control of your body, taking control of what’s going on for you, and taking control of your mind. Self-care as resilience to the outer world!

So maybe try reaching outward instead of staying with Netflix!

Step 2: Find ways to feed your body, mind, and soul

As personal, no one can say what behaviors will serve your own self-care, only you can. So, how do you know what you need? And how do you balance pushing and comforting yourself?

Use the simple ART acronym

• A, for “Attunement” ­– Are you in tune with what you need?

• R, for "Responsive" – Is the behavior going to serve what you need?

• T, for "Taking action or a break" – Will you follow through?

What do I need to feel my best? Pause, breathe, and give yourself space to offer a clear mind as to what you need. Is it more physical: sleep, eating, exercising? Or maybe something creative or something like volunteering to help your community?

Our complexity means that it is probably a mix of all of those as there is most likely not a silver bullet.

Finally, Step 2 is about trying not to think too grand but having small daily/ weekly habits that work for you and that you can easily do when stress comes up.

Step 3: Set boundaries in a new way

Set boundaries for yourself, of what is acceptable and what is not, saying no in a structured and constructive way as you nurture yourself.

Boundaries are about putting ourselves first, putting your health – physical and mental – above the rest and not at the bottom of the to-do list.

But also, boundaries for others as in setting boundaries for yourself you directly help others set theirs.

As a coach, I have now helped many women and men alike appreciate the body and mind connection, understand what works for them, and rewrite patterns, habits, and boundaries so they can be their best.

This article was in Women’s Health, the female version of men’s health. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I‘ll ever see a similar article in Men’s Health. This article brings it all together and should be read by everyone. Everyone should practice self-care. 

Everyone deserves self-care.

Question:

1. What does self-care mean to you?

2. How can you feed your body, mind, and soul?

3. How can you build healthy boundaries?