Ukraine | EQ | Wheel

Last week, I celebrated with you the one-year anniversary of this letter by sharing some of my favourite bits. This week, I will talk about feelings. 

It did not feel right to build on the concept of celebration when we have observed extreme desperation for a few days now.

Today, I could not just jump into a simple topic without discussing what is happening in Ukraine, especially thinking about my Ukrainian friends. Several of whom read those words! 

Back in November, I dedicated the letter “Another brick in the Wall” to my German friends as they celebrated the collapse of the Berlin Wall. At the time, I wrote those words:

“9th November 1989.

It is one of the dates that made history. I remember some images on TV. Not sure I really understood what was going on but I certainly remember my parents glued to the TV mesmerised.

I want to offer this letter to my German friends, those in this growing newsletter, and beyond. Let’s celebrate with them. Not just because it is a national day but also because that wall was the symbol of 2 worlds, and a wall has always had this image of the divide. You just have to think of Donald Trump and his famous Mexico wall.

Why do we want to build so many walls when what we need are bridges?”

Bridges are being destroyed today to slow down the progression of an army as it seems that the shadow of those two worlds has not collapsed after all. Or maybe it has, and it is the mad delusion of a dictator in thirst of a lost empire. Either way, war will only bring dust, despair, and death.

Today, my thoughts are with my Ukrainian friends. Let’s send our prayers and support to them, hoping that some twisted mind will come for some reason or people in tanks to the realization that they are killing brothers.

Challenged by the situation, a few days ago my coachee told me that she couldn’t “think straight”, and she could not think of having a coaching session at that moment. She didn’t feel it. We talked. For a good hour, we exchanged on the topic, exploring ideas and perspectives on the troubling situation. she was thankful.

Feelings and emotions are running high now.

Last week, in my executive MSc, we talked about feelings, at work, as a leader, as a manager; how to express and not to express them; how culture might suppress or express them in different ways, and how for now a few years the word EQ (Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence) has entered the language and a necessary complement of IQ.

Understanding, labelling, and then, harnessing emotions and feelings will make us interact better with each other, and will ultimately make us free. 

Reality only exists in our minds. One’s reality is a personal representation of external stimuli in one’s mind. So changing the description of these stimuli will change their representation and effect on us.

Language is much more important than one might think. Our vocabulary conveys emotions, feelings, or states. A limited vocabulary will, therefore, convey a limited state.

To be strong emotionally we need to be balanced and for this, we need to understand and define with words (at least as much as we can) our inner state. Explaining that you feel “abundant”, “zesty”, “smothered” or “retrained” will offer a panel of colors that will enable you to open your mind more than the plain “good” and “bad” that are widely used.

These simple words that are not often used can help to expand your emotional horizon, to better identify your state and master it before it controls you.

As we discuss feelings, and the impact that the current situation has on us, below is a hack gained from my MSc. After the wheel of life in a previous letter, below is the feeling wheel. I really liked the concept as it helps us visually map our emotional state, which might not be the brightest today.

Let our thoughts be brighter, like the blue sky and warm yellow sun, the colors of Ukraine!

Question: How do you feel?